Overbearing mother demands adult son help with mediocre task despite just getting out of major surgery, his wife puts down boundaries: “Why would you ask for a favor when he’s barely functioning?”

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    AITAH for telling my MIL to not give my husband tasks to do for her the day after his surgery?

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    I feel silly asking this, but I'm starting to feel badly about advocating for him. My husband just had a very painful surgery yesterday and the poor guy has been in a TON of pain. I've been by his side advocating for him since he can barely talk (the surgery was on his throat), and trying to take any and all stress off of his plate. I've
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    been keeping my MIL in the loop as much as possible, knowing that if this were my son I would be worried. She was very appreciative in the responses, which was great! But the day after the surgery he and I called her to have her hear him faintly speak (since he gained more strength from the day before), figuring it would give her
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    relief hearing from him that he is doing okay. While checking in, she had asked him to help her with some paperwork. I chimed in and asked her to not add anything to his plate right now, since he is on strong pain medication. For context, she asks her sons to do very minimal-effort tasks for her (that she is capable of doing herself) all
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    the time, each time acting as though they are extremely important with a small window to do so. My husband has set boundaries but she still tries to push past them. Well, she didn't like that I asked that of her because she started to raise her voice. My husband quickly ended the conversation and was hurt that he
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    was asked a favor when he is barely functioning. I'm now anxiously waiting for the slew of angry texts he or I will receive for speaking up with him. Did I overstep by speaking up?
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    Toniadion 1974 .7h ago NTA keep advocating for your husband.
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    fiestafan73 .7h ago He literally can barely speak and is not fully lucid on pain medication...you had to speak up. I think when she texts you, you need to tell her that you won't be updating her any more since she cannot respect
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    his need to heal, and if she continues to message either of you, you are blocking her number on all phones. Boundaries don't work without consequences for stepping on them. NTA.
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    slippinginto9 .7h ago OP you stated that your husband was hurt by the request from his mother, You did not overstep by defending him. You stood up for him when he was vulnerable. In a situation like this, you did the proper thing for a spouse to do.
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    RJack151 .7h ago NTA. Block her until hubby heals.
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    Sweet-Interview5620 • 7h ago NTA she can be angry all she wants and this needs to be a wake up call for your husband to stop being at her beck and call. Simply refuse to do all the minutia she can easily do herself. My mum was like this it was like why should I do
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    something I don't want when I can demand to be waited on hand and foot. Nah not on. I mean I'd get phone calls to my husband from her when I was in hospital and they still didn't know what was wrong with me telling him she needs. me to do this and that and does he know when I will be
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    out to do it for her. off you selfish thoughtless excuse for a parent.
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    Sunshinehappyfeet ⚫ 7h ago NTA. Block her number for a few days so your husband can have a flipping break.
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    FirebirdWriter • 7h ago NTa but he shouldn't be talking at all. He may lose his voice permanently. So she can do without his voice to ensure he has one later. Follow those surgical instructions
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    Fennicular ⚫7h ago NTA It's literally your job to support your spouse and help them when they need it. This is what they're talking about with the "in sickness and health" part. You said your husband usually sets his own boundary with his mum, but right now he can't do that.
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    right now he can't do that. You did the right thing. Keep it up.
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    Zestyclose_Public_47 • 7h ago Why would you think you're the AH?
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    Firefly232 .7h ago ΝΤΑ And for those angry texts I would just reply with: "husband is on strong pain medication. He cannot speak and he cannot concentrate clearly to do paperwork. He is resting now."
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    IceSensitive4563 • 7h ago nta. and i'm not surprised that the mother tried to raise her voice next time She does that, Let her know that she will need to speak calmly.Because you are not a child. Your husband is not a child and her raising her voice is just an irritant

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